hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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