You made me cry and you don't even care
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
