Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
