I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
