So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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