walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
