last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
