so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
