I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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