She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
