he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
