the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
