I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You made out with two different species that night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
