My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
