I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize