In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
