Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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