just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
