You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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