Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
