I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
