Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize