walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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