I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
