Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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