I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
