I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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