I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's never too late to be topless.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
