the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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