ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
