Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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