She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
