standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
