Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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