we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
