My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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