My room smells like vodka and shame
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.