I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.