How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.