I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"