she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.