none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!