we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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