We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
