he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
