party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The struggles of a small town man whore
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