Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
