fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
