WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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