I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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