He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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