From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
