I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
