Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
