D3 body, D1 cock
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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