I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize