OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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