so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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