3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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