Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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