i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
