yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
