I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
