I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
