yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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