Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A bitchslap is in order.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
