he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
